Wednesday, April 18, 2012

...for Tara - and anyone else who wants a food baby

gave a shower for my best lady and her (now born) baby - if that tells you how long I've been sitting on this one.  Tara has asked me more than once now too to give her the damn recipe because she's throwing a shower.  I won't bother posting any photos - frankly, I don't have any.   SORRY!  I was effing busy that week!   be glad I'm sharing this recipe with you - because I kinda don't want to! By kinda- I mean... I really don't want to!  That's how good they were!  I could sell this shit for catering gigs and make bank - but I'm going to share with you - because I'm the best ever!

now - I gotta find that cookbook.... back in twenty.

FINE!  it really only took me three minutes to find it because I keep my precious(es) close at all times.

I happened upon this super recipe in a free (by that I mean it came with a magazine subscription) cookbook I got.... it is called 101 Quick & Easy Recipes - powered by apparently.  Freaking delish - that's all that matters!

What you'll need

  • an oven
  • butter
  • mayo (the real deal)
  • coarse-grained mustard
  • onion
  • poppy seeds
  • croissants (yanno - 8 big ones for one round)
  • deli ham - sliced thin - if your deli makes you choose a number... say POINT FIVE to them... they might get it right.... and if you're going one round... get a pound and a half... because you'll want a pound for the sammies - but you know you're going to eat some!
  • 8 1-oz slices of Swiss cheese - cut in half...... yeah, I don't know... just put cheese on that shit!  you can't have too much cheese!
  • bowl
  • measuring cups and spoons
  • scraping spatula
  • grater or food processor that can grate
  • some kind of baking sheet
  • probably some foil and/or parchment paper
  • possibly zip-lock (yeah, I don't call them zip top bags... that's stupid.) bags
  • maybe a freezer
  • a calendar if you say yes to the zip-locks and freezer
Okay - pretty sure that's it... OH shit... A KNIFE!  you need a knife!  and probably A CUTTING BOARD!  get that, yeah... OH YEAH... SINK+RUNNING WATER+SOAP+YOUR SKANKY HANDS!!  no one wants your butt flakes in their food or in the air they breathe!  (Super Dick says: don't wear thongs and always wash your hands!)  (I know you don't like that name, but I am trying to uphold anonymity here!  so - you're welcome even though no one who reads this knows you - and you'll never read it!)  <----- proof my medicine died hours ago and I shouldn't be typing anything anyone will read!

Let's do this!

  1. If you didn't get the message from two seconds ago... wash your hands, sicko! 
  2. Make sure your butter is soft, if it isn't - 15 seconds in the microwave is more than enough time to soften it up.
  3. Shred onion up using grater or food processor.  any extra that you have can go in one of those zip-lock bags and then you can toss it in the freezer and use it for a billion other things
  4. Toss 1/4 cup softened butter, 1/4 cup mayo, 3 Tables of mustard, 1 Table of grated onion & 2 Tisps (if you don't speak recipe and/or Caso fluently. - Tables and Tablespoons - Tisps are teaspoons) into that bowl and stir with scraping spatula until mixed.
  5. Get that bowl of stuff out of your way for a bit while you use that knife I forgot to tell you about to cut the croissants in half on the cutting board I also forgot to tell you about.
  6. Now - we get difficult.  Use the scraping spatula to spread the condiment mixture on to both halves of the croissants.
  7. Put cheese slices that you have cut in half.... on top of the condiment mix.  Yeah, both halves.  Put ham on bottom half - put top half on top.... yanno.... where it goes.... 
  8. If you want to bake these right away.... put them on a parchment lined baking sheet - get your oven to 350 - then bake them for about 15 minutes.   Then you can enjoy impregnating yourself with a food baby - but beware that shit will be HOTTTTT
  9. Kay  - so... if you want to make these ahead of time... wrap each one in foil then shove in zip-lock(s).  Probably want to write on the outside what day you put them in the freezer and mark on your calendar when they will be expiring.... they'll be good in the freezer for up to a month.  ALSO - if you just have left over sauce... put it in some kind of gladware or something - and label it.... use within the month.
  10. If you are ready to now cook sandwiches you had frozen........... preheat your oven to 350, take them out of the plastic bags and stick them on a baking sheet.  You should leave the foil on these.  bake them for 1 hour or until they are thoroughly heated and delicious!
There are microwave directions for the frozen ones - but that's just lazy.  Don't be a lazy microwaving asshole.  Enjoy these sandwiches - and judge away at my insanity.  Next time - I'll try to take pics and I'll also try to be medicated when I blog again!  BYE BYE!

**Full on fatty ingredients and everything.... each sandwich is 12 points on WW PointsPlus**


  1. I have a picture of the sammies. Will send it to you.

  2. I feel it necessary to point out I know Super Dick. And I see him on a fairly regular basis. And I will now be expecting him to bear gifts of food when he comes to work.

  3. Super Dick might be the best semi-anonymous name ever.

  4. it is super anonymous - because Super Dick... isn't my dad! hahahahahaha

  5. I'm even more intrigued now.

  6. Crap. I was all wrong and stuff :)