Oh tasty, bacony, pasta, I could eat you all day! But I don't want to be 600 pounds and unable to get off of the couch, so I will share you with the world - and we can share the wealth of obesity, and none of us will have a problem getting off of the couch.... hopefully. **Disclaimer, don't even consider saying something dumb like "Casey made me fat". I told you to share the wealth of obesity. Don't be a glutton, you a-hole!**
What you'll need
- A good size skillet
- A stove/range/hot plate - something to heat up that skillet with!
- A pair of tongs
- A big pot
- Pasta of your choice - I used fettuccine
- Water for boiling
- A colander - or a spaghetti spoon, your choice
- BACON! or pancetta if you want to be fancy and authentic. Believe me, I want to be, but my supermarket doesn't carry pancetta and I wasn't going to wait around looking for it when bacon works!
- Fresh Parmesan
- A grater
- A scraping spatula
- Some garlic
- 2, count 'em, TWO eggs
- A sink, soap, and a towel
- Pepper - in a grinder if you've got it. This is a time when freshly ground black pepper is actually necessary.
- A ladle
- A whisk
- A bowl to serve in
- Paper towels (if you're going with bacon)
- A knife and a cutting board and a garlic press, if you have one
I think that's it. Some people put parsley in it, but its a waste of my time! Kinda like measuring.
Let's do this!
- Wash your hands, and prep your meat! You need about 1/2 a pound of bacon or pancetta. Dice the meat and wash your hands again.
- Fill your pot with water, and get it on the heat. This is really quick, so get the water heating fast - turn up the heat! Depending on the pasta you choose, you may want to get the pasta in before moving on.
- Get your skillet on the heat, medium should be sufficient. If you're using pancetta, drizzle in some olive oil.
- Toss the meat on the heat, then press in a few cloves of garlic. (Do a fine chop if you don't have a press)
- Grab the bowl, whisk, two eggs, the Parmesan, the grater, ladle, and your pepper grinder. If this is a challenge, I suggest growing longer arms, or getting out a bigger bowl. put it on the counter where it is all going to be convenient. Maybe grab a couple of hot pads too.
- Grate the Parm into the bowl, honestly, I grated until I couldn't grate anymore. use the amount of cheese that you want. Whisk in the yolks only of the eggs, and ladle in a bit of pasta water, continuing with the whisk so your yolks don't scramble (yeah, man, tempering!)
- Drain the noodles, or fish them out with your spaghetti spoon, throw them in the bowl, dump the garlicy meat on top (minus some of the drippings if you have a lot of bacon drippings).
- Mix your pasta up well, crack some pepper on top, and give it some more cheese if you want.
- Eat and cry, cry and eat.
So, welcome to the challenge! Eat Me! If you want to double team the challenge, have a dinner party, cook, eat, enjoy, and post phoodos and sausage links! Good luck! I'll try to be healthy-ish next time! Yeah, SUNDAY!