Eat Me! ....Bacon, and Egg Yolks, and Carbs, OH MY!

Today, I started back down my path to healthy.  Granted, that did include more than one coke, but I only slept for a few hours and I had to have something to make it through class.  Knowing that I was going to make an effort to do the healthy thing again.... last night was the final fat-filled feast. Oh yes, Bacon, Egg Yolks, and Carbs!  CARBSSSSSSSS!  If you can't make this dish this week, I understand, save this week's challenge for a special occasion - but do complete it sometime as a treat.  I call it.... the epitome of health.  Other people call it pasta carbonara.

Oh tasty, bacony, pasta, I could eat you all day!  But I don't want to be 600 pounds and unable to get off of the couch, so I will share you with the world - and we can share the wealth of obesity, and none of us will have a problem getting off of the couch.... hopefully.  **Disclaimer, don't even consider saying something dumb like "Casey made me fat".  I told you to share the wealth of obesity.  Don't be a glutton, you a-hole!**

What you'll need

• A good size skillet
• A stove/range/hot plate - something to heat up that skillet with!
• A pair of tongs
• A big pot
• Pasta of your choice - I used fettuccine
• Water for boiling
• Salt
• A colander - or a spaghetti spoon, your choice
• BACON! or pancetta if you want to be fancy and authentic.  Believe me, I want to be, but my supermarket doesn't carry pancetta and I wasn't going to wait around looking for it when bacon works!
• Fresh Parmesan
• A grater
• A scraping spatula
• Some garlic
• 2, count 'em, TWO eggs
• A sink, soap, and a towel
• Pepper - in a grinder if you've got it.  This is a time when freshly ground black pepper is actually necessary.
• A ladle
• A whisk
• A bowl to serve in
• Paper towels (if you're going with bacon)
• A knife and a cutting board and a garlic press, if you have one

I think that's it.  Some people put parsley in it, but its a waste of my time! Kinda like measuring.  

Let's do this!

1. Wash your hands, and prep your meat!  You need about 1/2 a pound of bacon or pancetta.  Dice the meat and wash your hands again.
2. Fill your pot with water, and get it on the heat.  This is really quick, so get the water heating fast - turn up the heat!  Depending on the pasta you choose, you may want to get the pasta in before moving on.
3. Get your skillet on the heat, medium should be sufficient. If you're using pancetta, drizzle in some olive oil.
4. Toss the meat on the heat, then press in a few cloves of garlic. (Do a fine chop if you don't have a press)
5. Grab the bowl, whisk, two eggs, the Parmesan, the grater, ladle, and your pepper grinder.  If this is a challenge, I suggest growing longer arms, or getting out a bigger bowl. put it on the counter where it is all going to be convenient.  Maybe grab a couple of hot pads too.
6. Grate the Parm into the bowl, honestly, I grated until I couldn't grate anymore.  use the amount of cheese that you want.  Whisk in the yolks only of the eggs, and ladle in a bit of pasta water, continuing with the whisk so your yolks don't scramble (yeah, man, tempering!)
7. Drain the noodles, or fish them out with your spaghetti spoon, throw them in the bowl, dump the garlicy meat on top (minus some of the drippings if you have a lot of bacon drippings).
8. Mix your pasta up well, crack some pepper on top, and give it some more cheese if you want.
9. Eat and cry, cry and eat.

So, welcome to the challenge!  Eat Me!  If you want to double team the challenge, have a dinner party, cook, eat, enjoy, and post phoodos and sausage links!  Good luck!  I'll try to be healthy-ish next time!  Yeah, SUNDAY!