... Friday fare for non-Catholics

So - for those of you who don't  throw away the meat on Fridays in Lent, I thought you might was a tasty burger!  Please note, this is my Texas burger - I don't find it excessively spicy, but those green things in the phoodo aren't pickles, folks!  Beware!

This is an indoor burger - so if you want to grill it instead, you are going to want to add some BBQ sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and egg to the patties before cooking, to keep it from drying out.  Anyway... let's get started!

What you will need

• A cutting board - well, really three if you have them, otherwise wash between uses
• A sharp knife - again, three if you have them - or wash
• Some bacon
• Ground beef
• Salt
• A mixing bowl
• Lettuce
• Tomato
• Sliced, pickled jalapeños
• Refrigerator
• Serving plate/platters/bowls - mix and match to your hearts content - you need to serve several items, but definitely lettuce, tomato, burgers, & bacon
• Burger buns
• Monterey Jack cheese (no peppers, no Colby, no mix-ins, period!)
• Some onion
• Some butter
• Paper towels
• BBQ sauce
•  2 scraping spatulas
• A flipping spatula
• Some tongs
• A cast iron skillet
• A lid for the cast iron skillet - or some foil
• 2 frying pans - you need to fry bacon in one, and the other is for caramelizing onions
• Mayo - I'm not usually a real mayo person, but Miracle Whip is not the same in this instance
• A spoon
• Soap, running water, something to dry your hands with.... 

Okay, let's get going on this delicious beefy meat wad already!  And, as a warning AGAIN - in case you didn't bother to read the recipe for salmon patties.... this is messy, wash your hands frequently!  Teach your cat, dog, spouse, infant, or lizard to turn on the water for you!  If you don't have help available, please be careful when you put your leg that high in the air!  Also - frying is DANGEROUS!!  Don't be adventurous and attempt cooking naked in a sad attempt to spice things up!  You WILL sustain burns in areas that were never meant to be burned!  Fry the bacon and burger on medium-low!  Burns and Fires are BAD!!!  So, don't be hasty!  Consider cooking at lower temperatures an excuse to drink more wine, margaritas, beer, shots, whatever you're into!  Soooo....

Let's do this!

1. Throw the ground beef in the mixing bowl with some salt, squeeze together, and set aside.
2. Wash your hands.
3. If your raw bacon is still in long strips (sometimes I have an already opened package, or some in the freezer - yes, I keep bacon on hand in the freezer!  I'm THAT kind of girl!) .... cut it in half on a cutting board, so it will fit on the burgers better.  Set aside.
4. Wash your hands. (Wash the cutting board and/or knife if you need to reuse.)
5. Wash the lettuce and tomato, slice the tomato (and lettuce) and tear lettuce.  Move to serving plate/platter/bowl & store in fridge.
6. Rinse the tomato guts off of the cutting board and knife, and slice onion; set aside. (I have a great tool I haven't mentioned here - there will be a post very soon to make your onion prep enjoyable!!)
7. Wash your hands. (Was the cutting board and/pr knife if you need to reuse.)
8. Cut the cheese.  I used fairly thick slices from a block - if you bought from the deli, pre-sliced, you can split the cheese instead of cutting it. Set the cheese aside - you don't necessarily have to put it back in the fridge.
9. Now that all of that is out of the way - heat a frying pan on medium-low heat and begin frying the bacon.  Again, be careful, use tongs for manipulating, flipping and removing the bacon from the pan.  When the bacon is done, remove from pan, and place on a paper towel lined serving dish.  Add more bacon, and keep frying!  (If you aren't planning to use much, I hope you have some bacon drippings hanging out - because this is about to get CRAZY!!)
10. Using a couple of pieces of raw bacon (really fatty pieces are best), rub the inside of the cast iron skillet down.  This will create a barrier between the burgers and the skillet - similar to spraying with oil, except bacontastic and super delicious!  You can put this on the stove, but don't turn the heat on just yet.
11. Heat another frying pan on medium-low heat, and melt some butter in the pan.
12. When the butter has liquefied, add sliced onions.  You want to caramelize these, so keep an eye on them, keep them at a relatively low temperature, and they can mostly be ignored.  Use one of the scraping spatulas to flip these around every once in a while.
13. Now you can turn on the heat under the cast iron skillet.  Medium-low again, please!
14. Roll the beef into balls, and pat them out.  If you put a divot in the middle of the patty, and allow the edges to bulge, shrinkage is minimized.  Set aside again.
15. Wash your hands.
16. Spoon some bacon drippings into the skillet.  YUM!  Rendered fat!
17. Place the burger patties in the skillet.
18. Wash your hands
19. Check the temperature of the skillet - not too hot!  Then, spoon on some more fat, and cover with lid or foil.  (If you use foil, it is not necessary to be precise.  Slap a piece over the top to help keep some of the steam in, and to reduce the risk of being burned.)
20. Keep going on your bacon and onions.  After 5-8 minutes your burgers will be ready for flipping.  The time will depend on the size of your meat wads and the temperature of your skillet.  The burgers should have a decent crust on the bottom, though.
21. To flip - you will want to use the double fisted technique described in the salmon croquette post.  In case you didn't bother to read it, that's a flipping spatula in your favored hand, and scraping spatula in the other.  Again, Ambis - do what feels right.  I may need to toss in a an extra item this time, though!  Pick up the burger with the flipping spatula, check to see if you need more bacon drippings to keep the burger from burning or sticking.  If so, spoon some in.  Flip the burger onto an edge, and and catch it with the scraping spatula, flipping gently to reduce splattering.
22. Repeat step 19.
23. Before the burgers are completely cooked, squeeze, pour, or spoon on a small amount of BBQ sauce.
24. Place cheese on top of BBQ Sauce and cover again.

    

    I wanted you to see the amount of BBQ sauce and the thickness of the cheese

... fried fish deliciousness

So, I'm back from vacation - and this one is a special one at our house during Lent.

Salmon croquettes, patties, cakes, whatever the heck you want to call them - they are fried and tasty!  My grandma taught me how to make them, and in our house this is a Lenten tradition.  Typically, we pair these with fried potatoes or homemade mac & cheese.  Since I'm fairly sure most people don't cook for ten on a regular basis, we'll go with dinner for... hmm... four? 

What you need:

• 2 cans of salmon (YES, I said CANS!  If you can't handle the skin and bones that need to be removed, then use 1 large packet - but know that you will have to add extra liquid since the packet style is dry.)
• A can opener (unless you use the packet - in which case you may need some upper body strength)
• A sleeve of crackers (I use saltines, but have made these with Ritz and breadcrumbs, your choice!)
• A rolling pin, or other item that can be used for bashing
• A sandwich bag
• An egg, or two, or three (this is all going to depend on the salmon:cracker ratio)
• Some shortening or oil for frying - your choice, but I don't suggest using anything that would add flavor, and you'll want to go with something that has a pretty high smoke point... so vegetable, canola, peanut...
• A bowl (or two) to mix in (you will want a second bowl if you use canned salmon)
• Some salt
• Some kind of frying pan
• A dish towel
• An ice cream scoop - this is optional
• One flipping spatula, and one scraping spatula

You might need this stuff for the tricks at the end!

1. Paper towels
2. Cooling rack
3. Some foil
4. Jelly roll baking sheet/bar pan
5. Oven-safe plate/platter
6. An oven
7. Hot pads/oven mitts

So, I'm just going to warn you, this is messy!  Please keep your soap and water handy - and if you have a faucet that twists instead of one of those nice up and down thingies - teach a cat, dog, infant, or significant other to turn it on for you - or practice hiking your leg up and turning the water on with your toes.  Alrighty then!

Let's do this!

1. Open the can of salmon using that can opener, drain the liquid, and dump the fishy contents into a bowl.  (Remember, I said if you're using a can, TWO bowls!)  If you're using a packet, same thing, except use your sweet muscles to rip it open - no draining necessary, and you can skip a bowl, and the next step.
2. Pick the salmon off of the bones and remove the skin.  When you are removing the bones, if you can get the spine in one piece, this task is much easier.  (Perhaps I will make a video the next time I do this!)(If a few tiny bones are left, its okay, because you're going to mix this up, and the super small bones are safe, assuming the people you are feeding have teeth and use them for chewing!  Also, no one will know, because the crunchy fried outside will disguise any crunch from a small bone.  Furthermore, I have used a packet and found a bone, so even the machines can't get them all!)  
3. Put the meaty fish bits in your other bowl, or meet us here if you're a packet user.
4. Put some crackers into the sandwich bag, seal the bag, removing the air.
5. Place the bag of crackers on top of your dish towel (use a thick one, or fold it more than once) and beat the Hell out of the cracker bag using your bashing tool!  (This is a great stress reliever!)
6. Pour the powdery remnants of cracker into the bowl of meaty fish bits, & add a little salt (take it easy!  the crackers already had salt, the fish had some salt for preserving, just a couple of pinches!)
7. Add egg(s) one at a time, and mush it up with your hands - like meatloaf, or burgers!  You may have to repeat the cracker bashing to get to the right consistency - its a guessing game.  When it is ready, it will look like this: 
   

...this must be some kind of a miracle

I just got my Food Network Magazine - literally like 2 hours ago!  This is the most amazingly bad (in a super way) recipe I have ever found!


What is it?  Ohhhhh.... I don't know if you even want to get in to this.  Really!  The recipe title in the magazine is "Instant Chocolate Cake".  WHAT?!  I know!  I read it, and I thought... hmmmm I happen to have all of these ingredients... and I really don't believe this could be good... cake.... in the microwave.... within 10 minutes?  BLASPHEMY!  So, for the benefit of all 8 of my readers, I had to make it!  Plus, I wanted some cake!





Stuff you need

• A Microwave
• A Whisk
• A 1/4 cup Measuring Cup & 1 tablespoon Measuring Spoon
• A Large Mug
• A Spoon
• 1/4 cup Flour
• 5 Tablespoons Sugar
• 2 Tablespoons Cocoa Powder + plus an extra sprinkle
•  1 egg
• 3 Tablespoons Milk
• 3 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil
• Vanilla Extract
• Salt
• Canned Icing of Choice, or Ice Cream (if you want these things....)

Are you ready to mix up a miracle?!

Let's do this!

1. In the mug, whisk together the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, egg, milk, oil, and a dash each of vanilla and salt.
2. Microwave until puffed.  The magazine suggested 2 minutes - I have a crappy microwave and went for almost 3 minutes.
3. Okay, it is totally done.  Sprinkle a little bit of cocoa on top, and spoon on a little bit of icing or ice cream to melt on it.  Eat it warm!

You're so welcome for giving you the most dangerously delish recipe ever!  And thank you thank you thank you, Food Network!  Don't forget this will be in phoodos!  If you try it, and you have time to share feedback or phoodos with us, be sure to link up - but I get it if you can't get any phoodographic evidence.  This one demands to be eaten immediately

10-minute desserts. (2011, April). Food Network Magazine, 4(3), 90-97.

one I didn't warn you about...

Okay, here's one I didn't warn you about!

Yeah, so I didn't care about how good the picture was, I just wanted to eat this!  Sometimes, the presentation doesn't matter when the food is FREAKING AMAZING!!  So - here's a recipe I made up for sticky buns in a pinch!

Stuff you need

• An Oven
• A Pan (need depth of at least a bar pan/jelly roll pan so the glaze doesn't spill out)
• Something to smear on butter, and cut the dough into pieces with... butter knife?
• Some Refrigerated Crescent Roll Dough (I used seamless)
• Some Butter, Softened - I used about 3/4stick
• Some Cinnamon
• Some Sugar
• Some Chopped Pecans

Let's do this!

1. Preheat the oven according to the dough package
2. Unroll the refrigerated dough, smear on some of the softened butter, then sprinkle on some cinnamon, sugar, and some of the pecans.
3. Re-roll the dough, and cut into sections.  Try to cut into similar size sections.  You should get 6 or 8 rolls from one tube of dough.  (Or, be more prepared than I was, and use crescent rounds, and you can skip the cutting since there will already be sections to tear apart!)
4. Pour some sugar and cinnamon in the bottom of your pan and put in the remaining softened butter. Dump in the rest of the nuts, put the rolls on top of the guesstimated piles of butter and sugar-cinnamon, and bake according to the package instructions. (Cooking time may vary)
5. Flip the pan of delicious sticky buns out on to a plate... you know... put the plate on top, then flip it over so they fall out covered in the gooey mess you created at the bottom of the pan.
6. Enjoy some tasty deliciousness, take photos, feed other people, and share some sausage linkage with your fellow bloggers!

Don' forget that this will be in phoodos for your cooking adventures!

...as promised

As promised, I am finally getting around to posting the spaghetti sauce recipe!  As I said before, this is a treasured family recipe.  My great aunt, Marion (Mimi), used to make this sauce frequently.  I know it seems like a weird recipe to follow something fancy like Pavlova, but I don't think spaghetti night should have to mean dumping sauce out of a jar.  This sauce is absolutely freezer friendly - so make a double batch, separate the extra into amounts that will suit your family size (this recipe will feed several - don't forget I have a giant family!), and put them in the freezer to match the convenience that comes along with that stuff you buy in jars!  (Or, if you are really good, you could always can it yourself!  I'm not that great yet - but putting up is something I plan to conquer!  Look for a canning segment this summer - I'm sure it will provide ample entertainment!)  Here is a photo of what you can expect from this recipe!

What You Will Need
A Cutting Board
A Sharp Knife
A Microplane or Garlic Press
A Can Opener
Some Measuring Cups & Measuring Spoons
A Large, Deep Pot/Pan of your choice
A Wooden Spoon, or Non-staining Rubber Spatula for stirring
Some Vegetable Oil (or olive oil if you prefer) - you will use 3-5 Tablespoons
A Small Onion - or 1/2 of a Large Onion, for chopping
1 Clove of Garlic (I will be honest, if they are small, I might use up to three)
2 (1-1/2lb - that is 24oz) Cans of Italian Style Stewed Tomatoes
2 (6oz) Cans of Tomato Sauce
1-1/4 Cup Water
1/4 - 1/2 Teaspoon of Black Pepper
1 Teaspoon Dried Oregano or Dried Sweet Basil (I have used fresh basil as well, just be careful with it!)
2 Bay Leaves (I use dried)
1 Tablespoon of Sugar
1/4 Cup of Grated Parmesan - yes, that stuff in the shaker!
1 Teaspoon Salt

Okay, hoping that I told you everything you will need - equipment-wise....

Let's Do This!

1. Open your canned goods before you get started - especially if you don't have a totally rockin' can opener! (We can't all have amazing kitchen utensils!)  
2. Load your cutting board with that onion (sidebar, I am going to post some information about an amazing product I have)- and chop that sucker!  
3. Then, using your microplane or garlic press, do some damage to the clove(s) of garlic - you can just make a garlic pile on your cutting board next to the onion pile.
4. Gently heat some vegetable (or olive) oil in your pan/pot - and add the onion and garlic.  
5. Saute the onion and garlic until they are tender and have taken on a bit of golden color.(You can make this a meat-sauce if you like meat-sauce... just brown your ground meat with your onion and garlic.)
6. When your onion and garlic look nice, add your tomato sauce.
7. Drain the Italian Style tomatoes over the pan.  Then, dump the tomatoes out on your cutting board  and give them a rough chop (this might take a couple of separate chopping sessions) before adding them to the pan.  (Why, you ask?  Well, I don't know what kind of pots and pans you have - but if you're working with non-stick, you don't want to break those tomatoes up in the pan.  My aunt's recipe says "break up tomatoes with a fork".  No forking tomatoes in non-stick cookware!!) 
8. Add the water, salt, pepper, oregano or basil, bay leaves, sugar, and grated Parmesan.
9. Stir to amalgamate.
10. Simmer your sauce for about 1-1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.

That's it!  Serve over your favorite pasta!  Please feel free to make it your own!  My niece loves meatballs, thus the meatballs in the photo!  I will give you one final tidbit from Mimi, though!  I am sure that you have all encountered the dreaded noodle ball before!  You drain your spaghetti noodles, and as they experience  dryness from the loss of their bathwater, they cling together and refuse to let go.  You can't just leave them floating in water all night or they will get soggy - you don't want to put them in the sauce because someone may not want super-saucy pasta.... Butter them!  After you drain your pasta, toss in some butter or margarine!  The noodles get a little extra layer or flavor, and the noodle ball won't ruin your visions of perfect pasta!  Good luck, and as always this one gets a place in the phoodos section so you can find the recipe fast when you need it!